why didn't you poke me back
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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