Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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