im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
