wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
