did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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