I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
