i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
