the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
