bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
