I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
