this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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