i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
