look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
