her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
