trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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