dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was confusing and full of hummus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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