Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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