He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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