State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
