I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
