Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
