is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
