Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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