apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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