your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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