We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
