Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
