Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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