goodnight i made you a song goodbye
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
