if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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