I love black thongs
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
