There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
