It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
