just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
