I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
