i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think i have two assholes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
