Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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