and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
