My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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