So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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