Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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