i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
