drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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