laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
