I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
