i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
