Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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