I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Randomize
