I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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