i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
