cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
