She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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